I have a habit of excessively worrying about my mom. And I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to resent her, to resent everyone actually. Resent my family after obsessively fixing their problems for so long and calling the obsession “kindness.”

I now waver between two extremes: shirking ALL responsibility¬† (getting bitter about my “role” as caretaker and running off, not caring at all), or, on the other hand, caring too much.Worry. Anxiety. Controlling. People pleasing. And then wondering why nobody “gives” back to me. Matt said it right when he told me we expect perfections of both others and ourselves.

The thing is–why would I want someone to care about me and do nice things for me out of guilt? Just because they have to please people? Wouldn’t I much rather them be nice and giving because they want to see me happy, and not because they can’t stand feeling guilty, can’t stand rejection?